One is the lonliest number

Kudos to Colin Toal, who has achieved the difficult and embarassing Solo Eliminization.
Everyone else: carry on.

That is all.

Second Sunday Slaughterhouse

All is right with the world! Week 2 decimated the Eliminizer, which is what Week 1 is supposed to do. New documents obtained by 60 Minutes indicate a last-minute shuffling of the NFL schedule.

Anyhoo, good riddance to:
Joe Gaspar
jay
Koko the Monkey
Varma Gottumukkala
Brett Huntington
Steve Teerstra
Matt Turnbull
Matthew Vegh
Matt Harlow
Ian Long
Asanka
Colin
Hedges
Charles Shagong
Henry Wong

Special mention goes to Eliminizer co-commissioners Erik and Dennis, 2002 Champ Varma, and supposed football know-it-all Melgrum. The rest of you should have known better.

UNFATHOMABLE!

The good news is that 29 of you have survived Week 1 of the eliminizer. The bad news is that you're all bastards.

I'm proud to say that I tried to duck the annual Opening Sunday Massacre -- which could have been a double Massacre, by the way -- and I put my faith in this man:



Deion before:
Responding to the question "Is there anything you're worried about going into Cleveland":
"What suit I'm going to wear," Sanders answered. "I'm going to pick two - one there and one back. That's the only thing I'm concerned about. I don't know if I brought all my shoes, as well as the hat."


After:
The normally brash Sanders didn't have much to say afterward. "They played their game," Sanders said. "They're good. They won. They played well offensively and defensively."

Also, the Bills eliminized Craig Tuch, but that's what they always do.

IT BEGINS!

Congratulations to Jason Dockendorff, who was Eliminized shortly after the 2004 NFL Kickoff Extravaganza! Jason ties the 2002 record of Gord Cook, who also fell short of making his opening Sunday.

As for the rest of you, your fate lies in the hands (talons? hooves?) of Philly or St. Louis, so we're nicely set up for another Opening Day Massacre.

Erik stinks.

But he posted the rules here

Additionally, a quick preview of the losers that you'll be playing against is available here.

Many Thanks,
Sean McLeod
Comissioner